Five Qualities to Appreciate in a Man

I am by no means a pro on knowing what kind of man to marry, but I believe I have an advantage to some extent, in that I am not dating or married and never have been, so I can’t be biased, but have instead gotten to observe much. Being single for almost 23 years now has given me lots of opportunities for watching the young men folk in my life and seeing pros and cons. Sometimes, I say “No way! I could never marry a man like that!” and sometimes I say “That is a beautiful characteristic and something to keep in mind for a future spouse.” Coming from a Christian perspective, there are some of the obvious things that a girl should look for in a spouse, but I want to mention some of the other things, assuming my readers already desire a godly spouse.

1.     In all my observations, one thing on the top of my list of approved men are the ones who help with the dishes or other mundane tasks, whether married, dating, or single. Yes, seriously! It seems like a small task, but it really isn’t. It can be grossly disgusting and often be left for the woman to do, many men making the excuse that it is a woman’s job to work in the kitchen. But I can tell you as a woman that I am most greatly appreciative to the man who helps me or another with the dishes. I always admired my old roommate’s now husband. Whenever he came over to enjoy a good meal, he always helped with the dishes and cleanup afterward. It made cleanup much quicker and always turned out to be a lot of fun, too. A favorite quote from a Grace Livingston Hill book I read over the summer, the suitor had enjoyed a meal with his lady and then insists on helping with the dishes before starting another project, saying, “Haven’t I eaten here, and should I not help to put things back in place? You see I want to get at those curtains right away, and we can’t do that until our consciences are free from these dishes.” I love the kind of guy who can get his hands dirty and help with the dishes. It shows he is not a sissy. ;)

2.     The gentleman. I am somewhat of a self-reliant girl, eager to prove I can do something myself. But I am slowly learning that a gentleman is a special gift from God to be appreciated and respected, and also very rare. If there is a man in your life who is willing to hold the door open for you, walk you to your door, or walk you safely to your destination at night, honor and encourage him by allowing him to play the role of gentleman. A gentleman is high up on my list of approved men and remember a real gentleman is a gentleman to ALL ladies, not just the one he is dating or married too.

3.     A man who acknowledges and includes others even though he may be with his significant other. All too often a dating couple easily gets distracted with each other and forgets those around them, but I have really appreciated the men who have dated my roommates or friends who did not ignore my existence, but rather included me in on conversations when in my presence. I would desire to marry a man who will always try to be aware of those around him, including them in conversation.

4.     A man who loves to laugh. I love a man who understands that life has pain, but still has a good sense of humor and loves to laugh. He’s willing to see beauty in a painful world and that is a wonderful gift.

5.       A man who can admit he is wrong and say he is sorry. I think that’s one of the most humbling and difficult things to do, but it’s also one of the most courageous things a man can do. I respect a man who can. No one is perfect and we all makes mistakes in life. It’s hard to admit when we are wrong and sometimes I think it can be particularly hard for a man to do so, especially if he is trying to woo his woman, but if he can do it, it truly shows remarkable courage. Our culture makes saying “I am sorry.” sound like a weakling thing to do. A true man should be able to admit when he is wrong, yet not let it ruin his life with discouragement.

The list could, I am sure, go on, but I shall discontinue it here.

What about you? What are some characteristics or qualities that you have seen and would desire in a future spouse or that you really appreciate in your own spouse? Share with the rest of us!


  1. Loved that quote in that book as well! It definitely caught me eye! I also love points #2, #3, #4 and #5!!! Well said and well thought out!

  2. Kindness. Which could be generally considered and included in your listed qualities. You might not get every one of these attributes in your future husband, but I do believe your have observed men with a very discerning eye and chosen some very excellent qualities.

  3. Kindness. Which could be generally considered and included in your listed qualities. You might not get every one of these attributes in your future husband, but I do believe your have observed men with a very discerning eye and chosen some very excellent qualities.

  4. Love this list. Although I am pretty super duper focused on my education right now and not even close to being ready to date/court, I do have three sisters and we do like to discuss this type of thing. I think your list is really good, the first and the last are the most important ones to me. Here are a few more that my sisters and I have chatted about:

    Sensitivity: Being observant about the thoughts and feelings about those around them and being willing to base their behaviour upon the needs of those they are caring for.

    Serving heart: Similar to your pt. 1, but just someone who in general has a heart to serve others and help out in silent little ways here in there, be it washing dishes after or a meal or helping a younger friend with a homework project or something. Watching young men serve others (children or seniors or anyone) even though it will not benefit them in any way... that is super attractive.

    Character: Maybe not a biggy for everyone, but I find it very attractive when men demonstrate a certain amount of human training. Being on-time to events, waking up at a reasonable hour, being diligent in their studies and/or work projects. I dunno why but... that's important to me.

    Sorry, that was a lot : )

    1. Thanks! And yeah, I totally get the business. I also am in school part-time, but also working too, so between those two things and other life stuff I am pretty busy myself, so dating/courting is not high on my to-do list right now either. ;)

      I love your list. All those things are super important I think. The sensitivity one was something I was just thinking on the other day because a friend of mine was telling me how much she appreciated that particular quality in her own boyfriend and it was something I don't think I had really given much thought too before then.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Love it! Oh, and I love long thoughtful comments. ;)


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