Graced with Grace

Short moments away I will no longer be single....     ...at last joining hands and becoming one with this man. On May 25, 2018 I married my best friend and only a week before that, I graduated from Bethlehem College and Seminary. A lot of people warn the bride and groom that their wedding day will be a fog, a whirlwind. But although the day was full, from getting ready in the morning, pictures, the ceremony itself, greeting all the guests, and at last leaving, yet my husband and I look back on that day with pure delight. Everything was beautiful and in my eyes it was perfect. I will love looking back for years to come on that beautiful hot yet happy spring day. I will want to tell my children all the little details of that wedding, from the sunflowers and daisies, to the food and the root beer floats, the family and friends that surrounded us. Now here I am a couple weeks later, sitting quietly in my first little apartment with my husband, satisfied tha...

  I wouldn't change anything From the laughter to the tears. Every little memory counts, Every little memory makes A year to remember.   Sledding with my sisters, Baking sweet aroma and enjoying every bite. Drawing with children Or snuggling a sleeping little one On my shoulder. Fellowship with friends around A crowded table. Learning, and reading, And drinking coffee to stay awake. Flowers of sunshine on sick days. A brothers wedding. More sunshine for a weary heart. The skies that radiate the glory of God And proclaim his promises and love From day to day. Friends to hold me tight when tears fall fast. Waiting on God's will. Learning to trust him more. Friends getting married. A sister's wedding too. Working hard out doors And getting dirty. Working along side my best friend. Courting the man of my dreams. Learning to be loved And to love and to live in grace.  A sweet friend and a waffle date. ...

  *Note: This is another blog post that I wrote a while ago, but never posted. Yet I have found it encouraging in this particular season of my life, so I think now is a good time to share it.     Life can be quite the mystery sometimes. Walking in grace, also holds mysteries. Living in grace means being committed to trusting Christ in all of life circumstances, but sometimes life circumstances just don’t make sense. And sometimes life circumstances throw pain right in the face; cold water in the middle of winter. But in the end we, you and me, still cling to grace and still trust that our heavenly father knows it all and cares. We must look crazy to the world. To trust and to abide in his perfect peace even though life really isn’t so simple, so peaceful sometimes and life really hurts sometimes and life is just plain confusing or messy and mysterious. It seems crazy to be at peace in it all. It seems crazy, but he’s got it all and he knows it al...

When I am home at last, yet still have plenty of things on my brain to distract me and discourage me, it could be easy to miss the little gifts in life this week and next. Friday's blessing was a fun day of shopping with sisters and mom, great deals and wonderful finds at thrift stores, my first hamburger from Cook Out ( Yeah, I know! I have lived in North Carolina this long and never experienced their hamburger, but in my defense I was too busy enjoying their milkshakes instead), and a free sugar cookie from Harris Teeter because I am definitely still a kid. And lets not forget the very sticky sweaty woods-tramping we sisters did together in which we tried our best to get lost, but considering we have roamed these woods for so long, it was really near impossible to get lost ( though at one point we thought we had accomplished it). Friday is now here and its wonderful to have a little sister like mine to keep sunshine in my life. She has the art of making sunshine wherever ...

  "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17     Another year of school is coming to a close and it has certainly not lacked in its mountains and the valleys.   There have been challenges  And adventures And ice cream And chocolate And papers to write And books to read And dishes to wash.      There has also been Hope and disappointment, Repenting and forgiving , Heart wrenching sadness and overwhelming joy, New friends and old friends, Giving up and persevering, Dancing in the rain and weeping in the rain, Trusting and waiting, Learning and failing, And always grace new every morning.        

Sometimes life reminds me I have no control, No control over anything, Over these frail circumstances,   Life's confusion, These momentary afflictions, These heart wrenching, Heart stabbing pains. I want to do something, I want to change it, To fix it, To make it all better, But I can’t. These are the moments when I realize just how small, How weak,   How broken, How insignificant I am. I can’t do anything, Yet Christ is my everything. So on my knees I cry to him, The healer of souls, The forgiver of sins, The giver of grace, Of love unmeasured. He makes us whole. Christ is my all And he has control, So I petition him On bended knees, With an aching heart. And he hears my cries And he knows our needs. He is sovereign, This promise I hold dear.    

Today marks 11 years since my brother, Micah, went home to be with Jesus.     Eleven years ago! How could it be that long ago That I last heard your laughter, Last saw your smile, Last listened to another of your jokes? Your memories never fade, But sometimes it seems impossible That it really was eleven years ago. To many things have occurred since then, Too many new stories have been written, Yet some how you are weaved in with memories That shape our lives from day to day. You drift through the air In a thought, in a word, in a short story Told of you. You're there yet it was still Eleven years ago that I last heard your breath. Too many years of silence, Yet you still speak. Too many years without you, Yet your story still lives. But oh, how I long to throw My arms around you once more, To listen to yet another joke That always made me laugh, To hear you sing and play your guitar– Oh, to hear that voice a...

Not sure where to begin, A story too big for me to tell the whole, Full of mystery, but a song of grace. I was pondering today, Of where I am and where I was.   I remembered days of old. Those hard days. Days of confusion, Of pain, of loneliness. Scary days, new adventures, Failing grades, failing at life, Those high school days. Yet in it all, God’s grace. God’s grace held me up, Though life was hard, He gave me friends, And laughter, Smiles and kind customers. And when the right time came He directed me to the next stage of life.   I welcomed the new season With fear and trembling. College life began. Hoping it would only last for two years. Eager to move back to the south, Get married and have kids was my dream. Eager to leave the cold winters And depressing falls, And papers and books behind. But instead more confusion, More fear. My ideas were not his. He told me s...

  You’re a captive; You’re a prisoner; Put in jail by yourself By thoughts that torture, But thoughts that you allow. You hold to your pitiful hurts That weren’t meant for you to keep, Holding on to lies you create . Stuck in your own head. Tortured with your own tortures. No one is doing it to you. You do it to yourself. You keep yourself from living And block out life and joy, Because life and Joy Is found in Christ alone, Not in self. The truth will set you free, But you live in a lie. The truth is the gospel, But you take a lie over truth. And you live in the lie, And bask in that lie, And feed that lie, And make it big and ugly, And beautifully destructive. You love your lie, But you hate your life. Because of the lie you live, You’re a captive to yourself. You serve yourself And live to self And can’t let go of self. You are a prisoner to yourself, Imprisoned by yourself. But….. This isn’t the way ...

  The summer is quickly coming to an end. Surprisingly I am actually more excited than nervous or panicked. Often I find the close of a summer somewhat scary for me. I don’t usually look forward to starting up school again. It means moving again, meeting new freshmen and making new friends, and more papers to write before long and all these things tend to sometimes freak me out. Then winter comes and I’ve never been a fan of winter. But this year I am kind of excited. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it’s the fact that I have a friend getting married at the end of this school year and it gives me something to look forward to at the end. Or maybe it’s the fact I can call myself a senior this year. Or maybe it’s simply because I am starting off part-time instead of full time and so I am not scared to death that I will fail every single one of my classes and have no life at all. Maybe simply knowing that my homework load will be doable makes me eager or at least ready to start a...

Sometimes I let other people persuade me and tell me who I am. People look at my life and sometimes voice their opinion of me, telling me I am this or that. I am not so displeased with the people who say things as I am displeased with myself and how I receive it. I allow people to define my life for me with just one word. But can any one really be defined in just one word? How shallow a life that would be and yet I allow it for my own life sometimes. If someone says I am X, I begin to live X, whether X is a good thing or bad thing. Or maybe someone said I am Y and so I allow that to define me, as well. I sometimes live in a small box because I let others define who I am and often times that is a very small box, its only one very small part of who I am and yet I let it rule my life. Someone sees one very tiny aspect of my life and I allow that one very tiny aspect to control my life. It may even have been something that showed its face because of one particular circ...

  He says give me your heart, But I run away Only to come back The very next day With a broken heart. In despair, I kneel before the throne of grace And say “My heart Lord, do I give.” But the battle is not over yet. Arrogant and proud, I run once more. I can take care of myself; I will do things my own way; I can do it alone, And so I push him away And I run yet again. A broken and a contrite heart He won’t despise. So when all else fails, As it always will, I return to the throne of Love And cry.   With tears of grief and sorrow I look into his loving eyes. God of mercy, God of Love, Hear my cry today, Calm my anxious heart, Give me your peace like a river, Give me your fullness of joy, And God above, Give me your love, That the Love in you, Would be the Love living in me. And so another day comes, But forgetting yesterday, And the stubborn girl I am, What did I do? ...